Mirror mirror on the wall...

Now we are all aware our beloved 1st XI hockey captain spends as much time looking in the mirror as he can get away with, but can you imagine finding Dicky(less) pampering himself to the point of using a face mask? OK, yes is the obvious answer, but it was still a shock to find this CSM boy(?) lathered up with Boots' finest facial cosmetics. Upon questioning it was revealed "My beard was getting itchy". On your bike Dicky, everyone knows you don't grow hair anywhere else but your vagina.

THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN ;)

CSM Hockey Club would like to extend their apologies for the poor quality of recent posts, it seems the password for this blog fell into the wrong hands. A few fingers were pointed, the blame was shifted more than once, but who let the secret slip is by the by. All is forgiven. The question came down to who had usurped this page? Who had weaseled their way in and muddled the clear waters of our blog. We searched our minds for possible foes (RSM?) for all of 3 minutes, until it hit us, we had been asking ourselves the wrong questions. The key lay, not with who could have found out the password, but rather who on earth can write so poorly? The answer ladies and gentlemen would be the women(?) of CSM's own Netball squad. We can only assume an aggressive takeover was necessary because their own blog generates such little interest, however, we don't play dirty and feel it only fair to re-direct any fans of the below posts here; http://csmnetball.blogspot.com/ where you can espy the Netball squad in all their glory.

Laboris Gloria Ludi

Negotiations await...

Whilst all seems quiet on the battlefields of the great war, it would seem that forces were recuperating and the victorious side were awaiting contact, for negotiations to begin for the return of the treasures these foolish little boys lost so carelessly. However, alas, no contact was made, and instead forces lead by the notorious judas clark, have been *attempting* a rebuttal. Instead of a dignified, civil course of action, crybaby judas has been plotting, like the pre-pubescent little girl he truly is. His undignified, embarrassing actions have brought him to the lowly actions of attempted theft, slander and trickery, and each pathetic attempt has just pushed him further away from the treasure he so greatly seeks.

Your self-appointing web masters have seen the carnage on the battlefields, and are appalled by the dirty tactics; the world watched on as within the hockey club friend became foe and fingers began pointing to discover who is to blame. The in-house squabbling of these little schoolboys is an utter disappointment to be seen by all, and even a CSM dignitary and ex president expressed his disgust in the melodramatic, theatrical reactions, particularly from our vey own Judas. We can announce that there are a number of soldiers involved in the release of their oh so valued treasure; these include Private Bomber, Private Pecs and Private Judas.

We await contact from a representative of the opposition when negotiations for a truce may begin; we suggest NOT sending emotional melodramatic truro players - as to be honest we are all bored of this and really really, don't care that much. until then...

xoxo

Harry Potter and the EPIC TAKEDOWN...

Once upon a time, in a sleepy town known as Falmouth, there were a group of schoolboys who believed they reigned the land as far as the eye could see; Falmouth to Penryn, Tremough to Camborne, and in particular, the pre-pubescent little school children, were within the delusional state of believing that the virtual world of blogging, was too, within their domain. Oh how we’re about to prove them SERIOUSLY wrong….

These foolish little boys underestimated the power of their opponents, and were somewhat indiscreet with the secrets of their kingdom. Whilst these boys were spouting their 9 carat gold shanter, the superior gender were quietly strategizing their plan of attack…

Chief Cradle Snatcher, previously known as ‘Judas’ or ‘Chunder Clark’, has been spotted making late night rendezvous with a certain 18-year-old, dare we say, STALKER. This newcomer on our scene has continued to fulfil her quest to infiltrate and consummate Judas and his disciples, and even after being severely wounded in battle, on the field of Remedies, continues to attempt to fulfil her mission, and is still foaming and wide open for more of the Snatcher.

Meanwhile, despite attacks from the fresher camp, Judas retreated from this situation, and, in his completely predictable, traitor ways, has been wandering his way, with his tail between his legs, to the opposition headquarters. After being enticed by a certain welsh mistress, Judas has been spotted inviting the opposition over for ‘snuggles’… even in opposition camp, this went down somewhat sickeningly. This pathetic display is awkward for everyone, and his proposals for cuddles with ‘takeaway and tv’ are becoming a massive giveaway of the huge VAGINA hiding within his Hawaiian boxers.

It is with sadness that we proclaim that life is not much better for any of Judas’ disciples… Let us continue our tale of woe with the battle Fresherfield. This blood-stained war has raged all the way from the confines of the Stannary to the glass-strewn and carpeted floor of Club I. Casualties have been taken on either side, the most notable being ‘Bomber’ Harris. Despite his (futile) attempts, he has been unable to escape the razor-sharp claws of a certain ‘Snoopy’ fresher and has crossed over to the dark side.

This loss has been a blow to the entire clan – however, a new successor has been announced… the Peardophile. Despite only being a trainee under the watchful eye of Colonel ‘Ladaffi’ Harris, this trainee soldier has rebelled after a certain deniable and ‘eyes only’ cinema trip with his Captain and ‘Snoopy’ fresher. Tired of being in the shadows, Peardophile has boldly usurped his leader in an attempt to further his romantic career. After being spotted in a number of JW-esque shirts, Peardophile has been seen bed-hopping his way across Falmouth. Despite the apparent glamour of this mutiny, news has reached our ears that Peardophile, the inferior strategist, has been using a mixture of Jager and fringe-flicking to entice his prey into his lair.

Speaking of alcohol-related conquests, it would appear that Peardophile’s strategy is favoured by another member of the schoolyard gang, J.K Foyling. This bargain bin author has been spotted across the realm duelling ferociously. Although Jagermeister sales have benefited from his battle, there have been many casualties with Foyling being defeated by part-time girlfriend and full-time LAD, Laura Williams. This fair maiden has demonstrated the superiority of the female hockey team, by her ability to slay Foyling in many a boat race.

Unfortunately for these so-called ‘athletes’ not all of them have such tales of success… Robby Potter himself has been defeated in the battle for Cho Cheldon’s heart. This fair maiden has sensibly rejected the boy magician’s advances much to his dismay and consternation. This defeat has prompted a childish outburst in which Potter made the outrageous claim that Cheldon is in fact, a witch-muncher. This pathetic attempt at covering his utter lack of wizarding prowess has been duly noted at Headquarters and we would like to take this opportunity to respond to these outrageous claims. We understand that it is frustrating for Mr Potter that all of his romantic advances seem to be crashing down around him, however we suggest a strong dose of Amortentia or Felix Felicis in future rather than starting vicious and incorrect rumours about a superior wizard.

And so boys and girls, the story ends, the CSM men’s hockey team are put in their rightful place in the wizarding world, that is, the bottom of the heap; the squibs. The truly victorious will always rise, and will always have their will. Despite feeble attempts to be taken over and viciously slandered, glory remains to be ours…

Always watching, xoxo

The Peardophile

It would appear that as one infamous CSM hockey player gets older his taste in women gets younger... Dave Pearson aka the Peardophile, whilst on a bus recently, received a wave from one of his conquests as she was leaving school.........Nice work Dave

Harry Potter impersonation, J.K.Foyling seeks law suit

A recent blog post has prompted esteemed author to seek legal action.

Sunday Roast ala Gregory.

Man Down Manning Down.