William Herzog was the first of three English and Creative Writing students to join the 1st team and share the same name. However Herzog is the true original and has come to define the casual, air head who can still play a reasonable game of hockey whilst looking like they have spent the Friday night indulging in naughty salt and copious amounts of alcohol, followed by picking your girlfriend up with one arm and tossing her around the room while balancing her on your ‘Hockey Stick’.
Will first appeared at training looking like what can only be described as a twigglett with hair, not much has changed since. He assured everyone that he could play this fine sport and indeed we had been warned of his prowess with long hard sticks and balls. He had competition for imitation accent, in a normal year he would have walked away with the crown however he was pipped to the post by the SAFA. Scouce just isn’t as novel as it once was, especially not when there is also Cornish! Who remembers the immortal words of James Banyard: “I’m gonna smash err Paaasty!”???
Anyway back to William known more commonly by his hard to decipher nicknames ‘Zog’ and ‘Zoggy’. It turned out that Will was what he professed and could dance his twinkle toes through the many backdoors in defences with an heir of Anton Du Beck on strictly come dancing. However unlike Du Beck, Will’s chiselled features are more akin to those of Thomas The Tank Engine than a Shovel.
Naturally a superstar like this was quickly snapped up by a fine young lady from foreign shores, we don’t mean Scotland either! As a result Will, unlike most of the crop of 2008/2009, didn’t develop a taste for hockey girls and instead settled into a full on relationship, which has been quoted as being at times; “As volatile as nitro glycerine!” Still, who threw who down the stairs remains to be answered, but looking at him I would have to suggest Will ‘fell down’ and the Rose did not come following after but rather a bottle rosé instead.
Ever fashion conscious Will is like a walking Topman catalogue. Each week sporting new fashions straight from the mannequin, no new tie though - IN 3 YEARS!!! He was so committed to the CSM hockey cause that he saw no need to pass his first year. He is now delighted to be staying for an extra season to take his crown as CSM Hockey GOD (When the other four of the fantastic five have graduated of course).
It has been suggested that Will has been taking a slightly disturbing interest in the Gaymie bashing craze that has struck CSM hockey in recent times. This could, as the illustration above suggests, reveal Zog’s true calling as a transvestite party boy with a face for Babestation. Still his obvious devotion to his teammates is a quality that we have to admire and respect.
In recent times Will has become a bachelor once more and has developed a certain penchant for foundation students, indeed he sees the need to bring a new one to the meet at Argos every week. Does he enjoy the attention? On recent figures a new chisel for his bedpost might be a worthy Christmas investment for young Willy. Still how much longer can he get away with it for? So in the words of the Fonze “EHEE!!!”
Herzog is also the team’s professional alcohol specialist being the only one with a job at the Stannery, though nowadays also being the only one who frequents it. He has watered us on many occasions, but I think he must have failed his maths GCSE owing to his idea of standard measures. Still I can’t complain. I feel that no real sober and honest thanks has ever been offered for these efforts so this is it – Fwank Woo Wiwiam.
Zog has become a much loved and treasured member of the squad who is sometimes wrongly understated, he can however be sure that we will all miss him when we fuck off to the real world and leave him with new foundation students to prey on.
OUT.
P.S.
Oh yeah he almost got away with this: William FAILED miserably to make it out at the London Bottle Match and was last witnessed by Tegan herself passed out in his room. Still he and a certain James Rough were more than happy to Teabag a certain Gunn Ho member of the girls team when the party returned later that evening. The photo is still missing…
REALLY OUT.
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