Player Profile - Jamie Clark

Whether it was the idea of running freely among 21 other men and being able to get physical without fear of rebuke that enticed Jamie to hockey or that perhaps he has a genuine lust for a good match of stickball is a grey area. It is possible that Jamie saw the potential for transferable skills from the pitch to bedroom, certainly we could read into the regular calls of "two on one's", "get it on target" and many others. Most likely is the idea of team showers after every game that really butters his muffin but for whatever reason it may be we are certainly blessed that he steps out weekly in the CSM colours by our sides.

Harking back to when I first met Jamie I always knew he would be a valuable addition to the team – his obvious eagerness for hockey was one to rival his penchant for same sex relationships – thus etching out his steadfast place in the squad from the word go. In my own humble opinion I might regard Jamie as being a bedrock of the team, a firm foundation that we can all rely on weekly to turn up to training and matches come rain or shine. That was until, of course, he caught aids. A massive blow to his career which meant Jamie was out of action, much to the consternation of the hockey squad and also his short term navy boyfriend, George. The squad really felt the squeeze as we had to fill the gap left in midfield by his absence – but our dismay was nothing compared to the effect this had on Jamie’s and George’s blossoming relationship. Left single and weak Jamie had to re-cooperate back in Oxford where he was marinated with enough apparel from the Jack Wills’ catalogue to clothe a small school of children until he decided that you probably couldn’t catch aids from the poles in Mango Tango’s and made his triumphant return to CSM hockey. Since doing so Jamie has been on top form week in week out – a much celebrated member of the CSM hockey squad and all round good sport.

If you are yet to have the pleasure of meeting this young man you need only to frequent Mango Tango's whereupon you will see Jamie, or 'Gaymie' as he prefers to be known in there, throwing some wild shapes at the bar in his infamous assless chaps. It is only a fair warning to girls to let you know that although Jamie occasionally becomes involved with females he never gets any pleasure from the sex. Don't let him flip you over.

In short it would be fair to say Jamie’s hockey career for CSM can be mapped in much the same way as his university sexual encounters; full of men and always scoring.