CSM, being the celebrated worldwide school they are, have become accustomed to international students, so naturally when a quiet South African touched down in Falmouth there was very little batting of eyelids. Little did we know, however, that this was one addition to the hockey team that would signal the rise of the squad through the leagues...
After a blistering first season we witnessed this skilful miner walking through whole defences with what can only be described as a nonchalant manner only to put away goal after goal, relentlessly hitting the backboard with alarming regularity. At the end of his first season the title of Captain was handed over by James Watts who had been reported to whisper in his ear “A king's time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day, Simba, the sun will set on my time here, and will rise with you as the new king”. Upon which the newly christened Simba went on to lead the team through its most successful season yet – and almost gaining promotion again as a result.
Not only has Michael been a whirlwind of success on the hockey pitch, scoring countless numbers of goals and always striving to gain a win for the team, but has also been causing quite a bluster on the Falmouth social scene. Always popular with the ladies due to his husky South African tones and tall figure he has leapt cat like from prey to prey, unceremoniously having his way with whatever he can sink his claws into. Following Michael is a permanent shroud of scandal, full with ecstatic girls who seem to moisten just being in his presence – perhaps it is his uncanny ability to never miss(until recently) that causes all the excitement. This reputation was enjoyed for quite some time until disaster struck when Michael left one unlucky girl literally hanging. The golden boy had fallen – although, when asked, the girl claimed he had never risen. Red faced and blue balled Michael turned up to the weekends hockey match and memorably, some would say ironically, winning dick of the day for his lacklustre bedroom performance.
Determined to win back the title of Falmouth’s most eligible bachelor Michael embarked on a personal pussy crusade. Gritting his teeth and pushing forward, it wasn’t long before he found himself in the clutches of one Lauren Saggers but more interestingly and distressingly also Thomas Drake. Had his previous disaster had such a detrimental effect on poor Michael that he was willing to share girls? It seems so as earlier this season Michael wrestled a beautiful maiden by the name of Sophie from none other than fellow team mate Richard Foy. I wouldn’t consider myself at liberty to comment on this underhand act but I will speculate that it must stem from the insecurity Michael is sure to be feeling from his failed mating act with the previously mentioned girl.
Despite all of his ups and one most memorable down Michael has overall been nothing other than a perfect ambassador for South Africans. A true gentleman and delight to play with on the pitch he is one cat we will be sorry to release back into the wild.
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